Harold Arnold: Your Relationship Rocks Coach!

Monday, April 27, 2009

The Half-Dead Marriage

This past weekend I took advantage of gorgeous 90+ degree weather to do some spring cleaning in my yard. As I worked on cleaning leaves from one of the mulched beds around my home, I was struck by one of our bushes. No, I wasn’t literally struck by it. But, I was intrigued that buds are only forming on half of the bush. The other half appears dead. Perplexed, I looked for an explanation. It didn’t take long to notice that half of the bush was mostly uprooted while the other half was still firmly planted. While I’m not sure what to do about my half-dead bush, it triggered in my mind an email that I had just received from a couple that alerted me to some marital problems they are having.

You might ask, what does my half-dead bush have to do with marital problems. Fair question. Here’s the connection. My heart is really tugged by half-dead marriages. What is a half-dead marriage? It can be a marriage where one spouse is giving most (or all) of the effort and the other one is failing to hold up his/her end of the bargain. It could also be a marriage where spouses just go through the motions with little to no real emotional connection. In some ways half-dead marriages are particularly dangerous because they lull unsuspecting couples into a false sense of security (for example they see their half-dead state as better than a divorce).

I want to challenge those who feel emotionally disconnected from their spouse to make another genuine effort at moving closer together. I don’t necessarily expect a miracle—just a step. What can you do today to take a step towards your spouse? Remember that half-dead means that it is also half-alive. There is life in your marriage. The question is how to make it more abundant.