Monday, January 09, 2012

Expect the unexpected

Previous episode

House hunting is dominating Rob and Celia’s life right now.  Rob is disappointed at the asking price for Celia’s mother’s house, which will provide their down payment, but Celia is realistic that they may have to move again before their not-yet-born child needs a school district. 

Current episode

Rob and Celia shared one of the few quiet dinners they could have alone now that Celia’s mother lived with them, just tacos at the kitchen table, but Celia had lit a candle and they were cozy in their warm apartment.  Mom was working the late shift at her retail job and neither Rob nor Celia had evening responsibilities tonight.  For Rob, that meant no Starbucks duty, since he planned to keep the second job until right before the baby was born, and for Celia it meant no private piano lessons on top of her daytime teaching job. 

“I know Mom’s house sold for less than you wanted,” Celia said. 

“A lot less, actually,” Rob said.  “We’re going to have at least ten thousand less than I wanted.” 

“As I have said, I don’t mind moving again,” Celia said.  “It’s a lovely dream, to move into the house we’ll spend the rest of our lives in now.  But it’s OK if we move again.”

“I don’t want to move again,” Rob said, continuing to push his point.

He kept pushing until Celia said, “Rob, I think you’re tired.  You’re working too much.  The only thing that keeps you going is the belief that in six months you will have climbed this huge buy-a-house mountain once and for all.  Then you can sleep.”

Rob thought about that as he built himself another taco.  Maybe there was something to that.  Two months ago, all thoughts of home buying remained years in the future.  Now, with Celia unexpectedly pregnant and their decision to try to meet as many needs as possible by buying a house with Celia’s mom, maybe Rob was trying to make too many things happen all at once.  He sighed, disliking the option to buy cheap now and trade up in five years.

“But who knows where the market will be in five years?” he said.  “There may never be a better time to buy up than now.” 

“I don’t need a fancy house,” Celia said. 

“Neither do I, but we do need one that we don’t strangle your mother in because she’s constantly underfoot.” A light bulb went off for Rob.  “Wait – I wonder if my dad might be willing to lend us a little more for the down payment.” 

“I don’t know,” Celia said.  “You have two sisters in college right now”—

Just then, they heard front door lock unlatch and front door open.

“Mom’s home early,” Rob said.

“Uh oh,” Celia said.  “I hope this doesn’t mean”—

Just then Celia’s mother walked into the kitchen.  She looked dejected and tired.

“It was just a holiday job,” Mom said.  “I was laid off today, with about ten others.”  She dropped her face into her hands in despair.

What happens next?

Monday, October 03, 2011

How do you spell R-E-L-I-E-F?

Previous episode
Celia is pregnant and Rob is working a part time job in addition to his regular job to close the money gap.  He is getting used to the idea of a baby but he still can’t get over the fear that they may never achieve the financial stability he craves.

Current episode
Finally, the workday had ended.  Rob’s good morning mood ground to a halt when Starbucks called to ask if he wanted an extra shift this week.  No, he did not – but he took it anyway.  That was a lose-lose situation; to refuse it would be to feel guilty, since the extra job was about paying down the bills even before the ticking pregnancy clock inserted itself into his time management.  But to accept meant one more night this week without any chance to relax, and Rob desperately needed relaxation of the nurse-a-beer-while-watching-the-game sort even more than he needed sleep.  Or so it seemed.  Coffee helped with the fatigue.  But nothing compensated for the lack of down time, and though he surfed the internet more than usual at work it was hardly a sufficient reboot to his brain. 

This lame brain entered the apartment in advance of the rest of him, it seemed.  Celia was here in the homemaking sense, he thought; with lights dimmed and candles glowing, unusual but wonderful food scents emanating from the kitchen, and a cool jazz blowing across the room. 

Celia, dressed for a night out and not for teaching piano lessons, heard him come in and met him with a grand, warm smile.  She closed the door behind him, took his brief case and set it down, and threw her arms around him. 

“I got the job,” she whispered into his ear.  “Two-thirds time plus a benefit buy-out, which I accepted since I’m on your insurance.”

There was a long pause as he hugged her back, waiting for the words to sink in.  Was it really just this morning that she mentioned a possible job lead?  Then he thought – even in an entry-level school district that would mean thousands in income versus the hundreds Celia brought in giving piano lessons and leading her church choir. 

The burden he had been carrying suddenly shifted, and he could feel Celia’s shoulders take it on willingly.  He hugged her tighter, realizing that he needed a partner much, much more than he needed the money.  Not that he would turn that down!

He sighed, a long sigh that had been building up for months.  It ended in something like a sob that was part laughter, part crying; but in all he felt a spectacular, nearly orgasmic release.

“All right,” Rob said, stepping back and kissing her.  “Now we call our parents!”

What happens next for Rob and Celia?

How do you spell R-E-L-I-E-F?

Previous episode Celia is pregnant and Rob is working a part time job in addition to his regular job to close the money gap. He is getting used to the idea of a baby but he still can’t get over the fear that they may never achieve the financial stability he craves. Current episode Finally, the workday had ended. Rob’s good morning mood ground to a halt when Starbucks called to ask if he wanted an extra shift this week. No, he did not – but he took it anyway. That was a lose-lose situation; to refuse it would be to feel guilty, since the extra job was about paying down the bills even before the ticking pregnancy clock inserted itself into his time management. But to accept meant one more night this week without any chance to relax, and Rob desperately needed relaxation of the nurse-a-beer-while-watching-the-game sort even more than he needed sleep. Or so it seemed. Coffee helped with the fatigue. But nothing compensated for the lack of down time, and though he surfed the internet more than usual at work it was hardly a sufficient reboot to his brain. This lame brain entered the apartment in advance of the rest of him, it seemed. Celia was here in the homemaking sense, he thought; with lights dimmed and candles glowing, unusual but wonderful food scents emanating from the kitchen, and a cool jazz blowing across the room. Celia, dressed for a night out and not for teaching piano lessons, heard him come in and met him with a grand, warm smile. She closed the door behind him, took his brief case and set it down, and threw her arms around him. “I got the job,” she whispered into his ear. “Two-thirds time plus a benefit buy-out, which I accepted since I’m on your insurance.” There was a long pause as he hugged her back, waiting for the words to sink in. Was it really just this morning that she mentioned a possible job lead? Then he thought – even in an entry-level school district that would mean thousands in income versus the hundreds Celia brought in giving piano lessons and leading her church choir. The burden he had been carrying suddenly shifted, and he could feel Celia’s shoulders take it on willingly. He hugged her tighter, realizing that he needed a partner much, much more than he needed the money. Not that he would turn that down! He sighed, a long sigh that had been building up for months. It ended in something like a sob that was part laughter, part crying; but in all he felt a spectacular, nearly orgasmic release. “All right,” Rob said, stepping back and kissing her. “Now we call our parents!” What happens next for Rob and Celia?

Monday, July 25, 2011

If at first you don’t succeed…

Previous episode

Starbucks called Rob for an interview, but so far, they have not called Celia. 

Current episode
Rob was driving home after his Starbucks interview.  Robin, the night shift manager, had offered him the chance to work twenty hours a week over three shifts, two weekday evenings and one longer weekend shift.  There was one catch.  As low man on the barista totem pole, he would not get to predict his schedule.  Robin would add him after she had scheduled the other employees.  Rob would get his schedule only a few days in advance. 
Oh well.  This was easier than worrying about money all the time.

Frankly, though, he dreaded telling Celia the news.  This was just the sort of thing that would make her feel inadequate and guilty and make her less inclined to try to find a real job.  Rob realized was driving home more slowly than he would otherwise. 

However, and surprisingly, he need not have worried.  Celia met him at the door, wearing a pretty summer dress and apron.  The aroma of her latest culinary creation wafted from the kitchen; it was definitely Italian. 

“Guess what I did today?” she said, holding a wooden spoon in her hand.

Rob shook his head that he had no idea, because really, he could not figure out what this was about. 

“You inspired me.  Even though you already have a full time job, you’re willing to take on an additional part time one for the sake of us.  So, I put in applications for every job I saw online today that I thought might have a vague interest in me.”

Celia took his hand – he was immobilized on the doormat—and pulled him across the threshold.  “Not just music jobs,” she continued.  “Every receptionist, waitress, and nanny job in Columbus now has an application from me.” 

Rob let her words sink in because this was a significant change from her previous inclination; she was committed to being stubborn about using her college degree because music education mattered.  Although he hated to admit it, this had put a wall between them.  He wanted – needed, maybe – for her to be at least as proactive as he was about their finances. 

He was flooded with relief that he was not, in fact, the only grown up in his marriage. 

What does Rob say?

Monday, July 18, 2011

The Waiting Game

Previous episode

Rob and Celia discovered they had both submitted applications – separately—to Starbucks, each hoping to close the financial gap until Celia finds a full-time job.  Celia fears Rob will resent her even more if he works a second job, but Rob made it clear that if it meant he would worry less about money, it would be worth it.

Current episode

Job boards searched, check.  Follow up calls made, check.  Networking emails sent, check.  As she had been doing all month, Celia spent the first hour of the day on her current job, which was to look for a full time job.  Though the process itself was discouraging, observing it routinely provided rhythm and stability as well as something to share with Rob when he got home, to show him she was trying. 

Next, she moved on to promoting her private piano lessons.  She updated her Craigslist ad and started a Celia Benson Piano Lessons page on Facebook.  She sent Rob the link so he could be the first to “like” it.  Few parents started their children on lessons over the summer, though; but perhaps some would file the info for fall.  Meanwhile, she had about six lessons a week scheduled for the rest of the summer.

Her phone rang.  “Hi handsome,” she said to her husband.  Their marriage, strangely, had flourished in recent weeks following Rob’s confession of his resentment, her embrace of the food-and-sex route to Rob’s heart as a compensation for failing to provide sufficient income along with a new commitment to getting a job, and the realization they could both be more flexible in their responses to the current state of their financial affairs. 

“Did you get a call?” Rob said.

“From who?”

“Starbucks.  They just called me in for an interview.”

Celia did not respond as the news dripped into her psyche.  “No, I didn’t get a call.” 

“I’m meeting the late shift manager at 6:30 this evening,” he went on.

“Great,” Celia said, but it did not sound like she meant it.  “I mean, it is great that you got called.  I wish I had been called, too.”  Discouragement threatened to flood her – it was already flowing fast.

“I figured they called you, too,” he said.  “I’ll mention you at my interview.”

What does Celia do next?

Monday, July 11, 2011

Will the bucks be Starbucks?

Previous episode

Since Rob had voiced his anxiety and resentment over Celia’s underemployment, she had been intentional about approaching the situation differently.  This culminated with Celia asking Rob, “Guess what I did today?” 

Current episode
“What?” Rob said, taking a long sip of the mint-sprigged lemonade she had just handed him.  As Rob waited expectantly for her answer, suddenly Celia felt small and vulnerable.  She turned back to the counter to finish composing the peach salsa to garnish the pork chops she was about to grill.  Little as she had to offer Rob in any concrete way, it seemed like sex and food were the only means she had to contribute to the flourishing of this partnership.  She had been doing her best on both fronts while exploring other means. 

“I put in an application at the Starbucks on the corner,” she said. 

There was a long pause.

“Really?” Rob said, somewhat stupidly, she thought.  Like this had never crossed his mind.  “That’s funny,” he continued.  “I did, too.”

Celia’s mind ground to a halt and her hands stopped, knife poised in mid-air, over the cilantro she was chopping.  This was not the response she was expecting.  She turned to Rob with her mouth open.  “You put in an application at Starbucks?”

“Maybe we can work there together,” he said, smirking, so she knew he was joking. 

“What?  Are you getting laid off?” she said.  Rob took the knife from her hand and set it on the cutting board. 

“No, nothing like that.  I just figured I could earn some extra money while you’re job hunting,” he said. 

“But you already work so much,” Celia said.  “That’s not fair that you would work two jobs while I work, like, half of one.”  She turned back to the knife and cilantro and began to chop again.  “You would just resent me even more if you worked that much.”

“This isn’t about resentment, Celia,” Rob said.  He looked thoughtful for a moment.  “This is about trying to take charge of something that makes me feel constantly out of control.  I don’t care who earns extra money if it means I don’t have to worry about the bills all the time.  Besides, it wouldn’t be forever.  Just for a few months.” 

Just talking about it made Rob seem lighter and happier to Celia, and this relieved some of the burden she had been carrying, too. 

What happens next?

Monday, July 04, 2011

What is the fastest way to a man’s heart

Previous episode

Rob and Celia have figured out that if their marriage is going to remain resilient over time, they are going to have to separate their issues from their love.  So while they are still in turmoil over Celia’s earning ability as a music teacher, they are trying to remain connected using whatever means they have at their disposal. 

Current episode
Celia’s job at the afterschool program at her church had ended last week.  Rob was curious how she would respond to the extra time on her hands, hoping she would be intentional about finding work, any kind of work, while she waited to hear if any full-time teaching jobs opened up for fall. 

Meanwhile, she seemed to have decided that the best way to Rob’s heart was through his stomach.  Rob was not sure if this had something to do with learning that his office mate Lucy cooked for her boyfriend Rocco every night, but she had been surfing the internet for recipes and testing them on him.  He tried to enjoy this – and he did, up to a point.  Rob realized he could never lighten up when his ducks weren’t in a row, and until he knew that until they could meet their expenses, pay Celia’s school loan, save for a house, save for retirement, and fund the occasional small trip somewhere besides their parents’ homes, there was a part of him that couldn’t fully enjoy anything.  Most
months they got by on the basics, but a couple of months recently they had used the credit card to float groceries and other essentials. 

This meant that Rob had not fully relaxed since their wedding, and he began to wonder how long he could manage the chronic low-level anxiety he lived with.  Since their marital breakdown in the kitchen, when Rob had voiced his resentment about Celia and money and they had ended up in bed as a result, Celia had been initiating sex with more frequency.  Between the sex and the meals, part of Rob thought he would enjoy making a lot of money and funding a trophy wife; and Celia might like that too if she could make her music a “ministry,” as she had been saying lately, whatever that meant.

Celia had greeted him upon his return home from work in lingerie, so tonight’s dinner appetizer had been a sweet tryst.  Now she kissed him, climbed out of bed and into a short little robe, and headed out to make dinner, which she declared would be grilled pork chops with peach salsa and corn on the cob.  Meanwhile, Rob tormented himself over what she had or had not done today about a job, but being satiated with sex and the anticipation of good food, it seemed ungrateful to bring it up. 

Rob got out of bed, pulled on boxers and a shirt, and joined Celia in the kitchen, where she poured him lemonade and garnished it with a sprig of mint and a straw. 

“Guess what I did today,” she said she handed it to him.

“What?” he said, taking a long sip.

What does Celia say?

Monday, May 30, 2011

Handling disappointment with wisdom

Previous episode

The stress is building for Rob as Celia’s full-time employability as a music teacher becomes increasingly questionable.  Celia feels both guilty and discouraged. 

Current episode

Every day at the afterschool program felt precious now that Celia knew the grant for it had not been renewed.  Paul, the church intern who ran the program, was disappointed, too, but he had gathered material for his seminary thesis and had gained valuable experience for his career.  Or so Celia learned as they talked about it face to face for the first time since they had learned the news.  They were in the re-purposed parsonage before the children were expected to arrive for their tutoring and music enrichment. 

Whereas Celia wanted to cry, Paul simply shrugged and said, “Well, we knew we might only have the grant for one year when we received it.” 

Celia realized that for her, working in the afterschool program had provided a glimmer of hope – perhaps it could be funded permanently and her role in it could be expanded accordingly over time, she had thought.  Now she felt stupid in addition to guilty and discouraged, since it now seemed so glaringly obvious that this job had provided enough income to make it appear to Rob that she was genuinely trying.  But in reality she had just put off facing the truth for one more year – that as school districts continued to cut funding, the market for music teachers would only get worse.  And not just in Ohio. 

“Wow, you’re really upset about this, aren’t you?” Paul said.  He had been shuffling some papers at his desk, but now he turned toward her and assumed a caring, pastoral pose that always made Celia nervous, because he was just way too attractive when he stopped what he was doing and looked at her like that… 

Celia burst into tears. 

“I don’t know what I’m going to do,” she sobbed, flopping into the chair next to his desk.  “Rob is so frustrated with me – I’d make more money working full time at Starbucks than I am making right now.”  She grabbed a tissue from his desk and blew her nose.

“Well, no one goes into ministry to make money,” Paul said, soothingly.  “You’re doing what you’re called to do.”

This was the kind of thinking that confused Celia to no end.  It made so much sense when Paul talked about it, because she did feel called to music and to teaching.  But Rob, while professing to want her to be happy, worried so badly about money.  And to be fair, part of what attracted her to Rob was that she knew he would provide financial stability, which she had never had. 

“Rob couldn’t care less about ministry,” Celia said, sniffing.  This hadn’t come out right, because she really did not want to blame him for the problem.  “I mean, I wish I could have it both ways.”

Paul reached out and took her hand.

What happens next?

Monday, May 23, 2011

Marriage economics

Previous episode

Celia is in despair over her ill timed and faltering music teaching career.  Rob has been trying to support and encourage her. 

Current episode

Rob hated to admit it, even to himself, but he was relieved to go to work this morning.  Last evening had gone down hill from the moment Celia arrived at the sports bar having just received news that her part time job, which she loved, was evaporating at the end of June. 

He had cuddled with her on the couch while she cried, telling her that yes, it is a terrible time to be a teacher, but we will figure it out together.  He hated to see her so sad, and he wanted to be a comfort and for Celia to be happy in her work.  But inside he was beginning to panic at the idea that given the downturn in budgets everywhere, especially for arts funding, she might never be fully employed in her chosen profession.  Rob was facing – yet again—his fear that he would be on his own in planning and sustaining their financial future.  The whole episode had a “here we go again” feeling and he could see no way out of the cyclone. 

By keeping their expenses as low as possible (and making sure Celia kept track of every possible deductible item from her freelance piano lessons), they had survived the last year on his salary without going into debt.  It had been tight.  Rob had hoped that their austerity program would be temporary, and that Celia would come up with a permanent position for this fall.  She had not. 

But he could not talk to Celia about this, or about things like IRAs, savings accounts, and down payments for houses without making her feel like she was letting down the team.  He worried, a lot, and when he had told Celia last night that they would figure it out together, he had won points in the supportive husband department.  But he had no idea how they would figure it out together, or separately, or at all.  There seemed to be no way out without it becoming a huge marital mess of his need to be financially secure vs. her need to be fulfilled in her vocation. 

Rob started considering a part-time job for himself – it would be easier to just buck up and maximize his own earning potential rather than expect Celia to do her part.  He could tend bar at a sports bar – that might even be fun, to earn money while he watched sports—or do some bookkeeping on the side.

He opened his email.  The daily devotional he had agreed to read and discuss with Celia was in his in-box. 

Right, this too, he thought irritably.  He was getting tired of being the one to change in order to make their marriage happy.  He wanted a real partner, but right now he just felt like he was supporting a teenager who was part lazy and part clueless. 

How does Rob deal with the stress?

Monday, May 16, 2011

A Moment in Time

Previous episode

Celia’s afterschool program was defunded and Celia needs Rob is to figure out how to be a supportive husband over an issue about which she knows he is in fact ambivalent.

Current episode
Rob took Celia’s hand and said, “Let’s go cuddle on the couch and talk about it.”

Celia looked at Rob and paused, momentarily uncertain if he was serious or if he was mocking that her feelings needed attention.  But Rob was not good at sarcasm and he looked as sincere as could be, so Celia stood up and allowed him to take her to the living room.  Before sitting down, he found Celia’s iPod in her bag, set it in the dock, and scrolled through its contents before settling on Mozart’s concerto in B-flat.  She felt herself soften at this gesture; that Rob would go about finding and choosing music he thought she would like at this moment.

Rob joined her on the sofa, settling in and opening his arm for her to cuddle against.  She did, smiling, thinking that what she really needed right now was some cool jazz – as a piano teacher she often did not find classical piano music relaxing, but that point was minor next to Rob’s genuine care for her. 

“I’ve been on the music teacher treadmill for two years now,” she said.  “I love what I do but I’m also tired of being poor and paying back loans on an education that may never support me – yes, Rob, I am saying that.  I do think about it even if you think about it more.” 

“I didn’t know you thought about it,” Rob said.  He stroked her arm with his hand as he spoke. 

“Well, I don’t say much about those thoughts because I’m afraid that if I do suddenly I’ll no longer be a music teacher.”

“Rocco said that there have been cuts in his district for PE, but since he has been teaching there ten years he kept his job,” Rob said.  Celia had almost entirely forgotten that he had spent the evening with his office mate Lucy and her boyfriend Rocco, who was also a teacher.

Celia was grateful that Rocco had provided Rob with another glimpse into the teaching world, because she feared that he blamed her for things that were beyond her control, like a poor economy and awful state budgets. 

“I picked a terrible, terrible time to become a teacher,” Celia said, her throat tightening and tears beginning to well up.  “I thought I could do something I loved and earn a living at the same time.” 

How does Rob respond to Celia?