Wedding Planning Missteps (Harold’s response)
One of the things that plagues marriages and intimate relationships is faulty memory. It sounds kind of funny. But, couples would tremendously benefit if we could realize that memory is very fragile. However, this is so contrary to our intuitive sense of things. We believe our memories are a 100% "memorex moment" playback of facts. This is totally inaccurate. In reality, memories are really reconstructions based on the sensory data that our brain processes from all of our senses at the time of memory encoding and influenced by other events that may cause decay of that memory. This is why a couple who experienced the "same" event can have different recollections of events.
As a consider Rob and Celia's latest episode, I immediately thought of how important it is for couples to take more flexible stances--especially concerning events that happened a while ago, events that are fraught with emotionality, or events that transpired in the midst of chaotic situations. During any of these situations our brain's capacity for exact recall is imperfect.
Yet, couples often damage the relationship by insisting that their respective memories are exact. For me, Rob and Celia have identified their different recall of the situation. Now, it is their responsibility as an engaged couple to forget who is exactly right and focus on their process of communicating their engagement to Rob's family.
Posted by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) on 03/25 at 11:01 PM
PP
