About the Book

Your Christian marriage has an advantage that many others do not.

Marriages all around you are falling short of the expectations that couples have for them. Some couples are separating and divorcing. But, that is only the tip of the iceberg. Many others couples are drifting apart—many of them not even aware of just how unfulfilled they feel.


Do you want a marriage that can never fail?

You may be surprised to learn that the Bible offers a guarantee that your marriage will never fail if as a couple you commit to use the unfair advantage Christ has given you.

Based on a pithy but profound passage of New Testament scripture, The Unfair Advantage offers a step-by-step plan to a marriage that touches the heart of God and makes you unstoppable as a team of two, even when life feels really hard.

 


What your marriage will experience in this book:

Awareness of the mental, emotional, and spiritual barriers that threaten your marriage
Practical tools to stay emotionally connected when life threatens to tear your marriage apart
Encouragement to enrich your faith walk as a team of two
Gratitude for your strengths and differences as a couple
Strategies to become people worthy of your dream marriage
Refreshing romance of friends

 


A Peek Inside the 8 Graces of Your Unfair Advantage
(What’s Inside the Book)


At its core, every marriage is an act of faith. It is the belief that by joining together with another that one is going to be in a better place than if s/he were to remain alone. Authentic Christian marriage, however, commits to a deeper level of faith as spouses allow their marriage to be a conduit for an enriched relationship with Christ, personal maturation, and intimacy with one another. However, many couples err in thinking of shared faith as all it takes. In reality, the faith simply points you in the right direction for relational and spiritual growth.
 
At its core, every marriage is an act of faith. It is the belief that by joining together with another that one is going to be in a better place than if s/he were to remain alone. Authentic Christian marriage, however, commits to a deeper level of faith as spouses allow their marriage to be a conduit for an enriched relationship with Christ, personal maturation, and intimacy with one another. However, many couples err in thinking of shared faith as all it takes. In reality, the faith simply points you in the right direction for relational and spiritual growth.
 

A thriving marriage is a virtuous enterprise based on the strength of a couple's character. Couples can never achieve extraordinary results without extraordinary character. Character provides the tools to stay God-centered through the ebbs and flows of marriage. The character of one's marriage is measured in its authenticity, transparency, and mutuality. The profession of faith necessitates pursuit of Christ-like character.
 
A thriving marriage is a virtuous enterprise based on the strength of a couple's character. Couples can never achieve extraordinary results without extraordinary character. Character provides the tools to stay God-centered through the ebbs and flows of marriage. The character of one's marriage is measured in its authenticity, transparency, and mutuality. The profession of faith necessitates pursuit of Christ-like character.
 

A thriving marriage promotes knowledge--but not simply head knowledge. Couples that thrive embrace a habit for using knowledge to gain understanding of the relationship with God and to the marriage to which God calls us. Christ-like character helps us to release our emotional baggage and heightens our ability to truly listen (not just hear) to God's admonition for who he calls us to become as spouses. Similarly, such character also positions us to truly listen to one another.
 
A thriving marriage promotes knowledge--but not simply head knowledge. Couples that thrive embrace a habit for using knowledge to gain understanding of the relationship with God and to the marriage to which God calls us. Christ-like character helps us to release our emotional baggage and heightens our ability to truly listen (not just hear) to God's admonition for who he calls us to become as spouses. Similarly, such character also positions us to truly listen to one another.
 

In a culture characterized by immediate gratification, rampant consumerism, and surface level relationships, self-control may seem like an outdated concept. Too many marriages have been robbed of their potential because of their financial, relational, and other addictive excesses. Self-control requires having awareness of one's own issues and keeping one's own self-centered motives in check in order to truly empathize—helping the couple develop a mutually beneficial approach that is less subjective to volatile swings that might disrupt the growth of the marriage.
 
In a culture characterized by immediate gratification, rampant consumerism, and surface level relationships, self-control may seem like an outdated concept. Too many marriages have been robbed of their potential because of their financial, relational, and other addictive excesses. Self-control requires having awareness of one's own issues and keeping one's own self-centered motives in check in order to truly empathize—helping the couple develop a mutually beneficial approach that is less subjective to volatile swings that might disrupt the growth of the marriage.
 

Marriage is a marathon. Thriving couples learn to do marriage at their own pace rather than focusing on the race that others run. Successful marriages persevere through the ups and downs of life. They deliberately set long-term goals and make then make strategic decisions to make achieving them possible. Crises are inevitable in marriage. But, thriving couples develop the tools to stay aligned through crises. Many couples can muster the focus to be mutually respectful for a short sprint. But, when couples prepare for the long haul, they build a fortress that serves as both a strong defense against the adversary and a monument for others to emulate.
 
Marriage is a marathon. Thriving couples learn to do marriage at their own pace rather than focusing on the race that others run. Successful marriages persevere through the ups and downs of life. They deliberately set long-term goals and make then make strategic decisions to make achieving them possible. Crises are inevitable in marriage. But, thriving couples develop the tools to stay aligned through crises. Many couples can muster the focus to be mutually respectful for a short sprint. But, when couples prepare for the long haul, they build a fortress that serves as both a strong defense against the adversary and a monument for others to emulate.
 

Spiritual oneness is the tie that binds marriage. It is what makes the marital contract a true covenant relationship. Marriage is first a spiritual enterprise in that it represents a type of Christ’s (bridegroom) relationship with the Church (bride). Every Christian couple has a joint purpose that ultimately is intended to draw themselves and others closer to God. God then promises to take care of all their needs and many of their desires. This spiritual prioritization only happens as couples dedicate themselves to consistent prayer and devotion as a couple.
 
Spiritual oneness is the tie that binds marriage. It is what makes the marital contract a true covenant relationship. Marriage is first a spiritual enterprise in that it represents a type of Christ’s (bridegroom) relationship with the Church (bride). Every Christian couple has a joint purpose that ultimately is intended to draw themselves and others closer to God. God then promises to take care of all their needs and many of their desires. This spiritual prioritization only happens as couples dedicate themselves to consistent prayer and devotion as a couple.
 

The missing ingredient of many marriages is friendship. Sharing child rearing, sex, and bills does not make spouses friends. It is very possible to love a spouse that you frankly do not like very much. Many couples start marriage with a strong sense of mutual care and attentiveness. But, the familiarity of the relationship can erode this mutual consideration. Over time, one’s priority begins to be more self-centered and less spouse-oriented.  Thriving marriages embrace mutual fulfillment. True spirituality acknowledges the importance of emotional and physical dimensions in sustaining a foundation of friendship. Friendship builds trust. Trust is the currency of intimacy.
 
The missing ingredient of many marriages is friendship. Sharing child rearing, sex, and bills does not make spouses friends. It is very possible to love a spouse that you frankly do not like very much. Many couples start marriage with a strong sense of mutual care and attentiveness. But, the familiarity of the relationship can erode this mutual consideration. Over time, one’s priority begins to be more self-centered and less spouse-oriented.  Thriving marriages embrace mutual fulfillment. True spirituality acknowledges the importance of emotional and physical dimensions in sustaining a foundation of friendship. Friendship builds trust. Trust is the currency of intimacy.
 

The Lord instructs us that deep love for God and neighbor is the greatest commandment. This is equally true for marriage. All other graces have built to this single crescendo called love—the highest calling of marriage. Thriving couples incorporate the three dimensions of love (eros, philia, agape) in their relationship. But, ultimately motivated by their love of Christ they aspire to demonstrate an unconditional love in marriage that is full of grace and peace.   When couples strike a balance of physical, emotional, and spiritual intimacy they embody God’s tripartite nature (body, soul, and spirit). These thriving couples are able to walk with the deepest level of intimacy through the best and the worst of times because their compass always points north—towards Christ.
 
The Lord instructs us that deep love for God and neighbor is the greatest commandment. This is equally true for marriage. All other graces have built to this single crescendo called love—the highest calling of marriage. Thriving couples incorporate the three dimensions of love (eros, philia, agape) in their relationship. But, ultimately motivated by their love of Christ they aspire to demonstrate an unconditional love in marriage that is full of grace and peace.   When couples strike a balance of physical, emotional, and spiritual intimacy they embody God’s tripartite nature (body, soul, and spirit). These thriving couples are able to walk with the deepest level of intimacy through the best and the worst of times because their compass always points north—towards Christ.
 

Marriage is a marathon. Thriving couples learn to do marriage at their own pace rather than focusing on the race that others run. Successful marriages persevere through the ups and downs of life. They deliberately set long-term goals and make then make strategic decisions to make achieving them possible. Crises are inevitable in marriage. But, thriving couples develop the tools to stay aligned through crises. Many couples can muster the focus to be mutually respectful for a short sprint. But, when couples prepare for the long haul, they build a fortress that serves as both a strong defense against the adversary and a monument for others to emulate.
 
Marriage is a marathon. Thriving couples learn to do marriage at their own pace rather than focusing on the race that others run. Successful marriages persevere through the ups and downs of life. They deliberately set long-term goals and make then make strategic decisions to make achieving them possible. Crises are inevitable in marriage. But, thriving couples develop the tools to stay aligned through crises. Many couples can muster the focus to be mutually respectful for a short sprint. But, when couples prepare for the long haul, they build a fortress that serves as both a strong defense against the adversary and a monument for others to emulate.
 


"For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, mutual affection; and to mutual affection, love. For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ."

2 Peter 1:5-8 NIV


About the Author
Dr. Harold Arnold

Dr. Harold L. Arnold, Jr., Founder of The Pursuit of Influence, is a leader in the biblical study of marriage. With a Ph.D. and Master's degree in Social and Organizational Psychology, Master's degree in Marriage and Family Therapy, and a Master's in Systems Engineering, Dr. Harold leverages his extensive knowledge of marriage and family dynamics and biblical truths to help thriving and struggling couples become the people worthy of their dream marriage.

Dr. Harold writes and speaks extensively on marriage and family relationships, served as Director of Christian Education for a large urban church, Director of Black Marriage & Family for the Association for Marriage and Family Ministry, member of the editorial board for the Journal of Social Issues, adjunct faculty for a Christian university, author of Marriage ROCKS for Christian Couples and Second Shift: How to Grow Your Part-time Passion to Full-time Influence. His favorite hobbies include watching good movies, reading good books, experiencing different cultures, and getting in some cardiovascular workouts.

   website    facebook    twitter    harold @ haroldarnold.com   

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